Within the realms of our imagination, a relationship is a quite wonderful miracle for the body, the soul and our mind. Facing the endless joy of love, I’m always engulfed with the maximum of positiveness one can imagine. But being separated from Kat sometimes seems to require a special attention to your emotions. She spent the weekend in Death Valley where nobody can call one up on the mobile phone or simply do some online voip talking via Skype. No, there is nothing but a public phone from which Kat was able to give me calls.
In this situation, what would one say if the feelings betray you? How do you react on external factors that influence you? And how do you achieve your inner balance for the love within you while suffering from the distance almost as much to negate the positiveness of love?
We went out on last Saturday at the Flensburg Honky Tonk to hear live music being played in about 25 different bars and restaurants in the city. Further, of course the group consisting of Lena, Oke, David, Christian, Christoph, Jörn and myself spent a few hours on doing our special-dance-off show in the Deutsches Haus, a larger event hall. Apparently, Lena and I were the only two souls who were suffering from both of our temporary long-distance relationships.
After this long partying event and the masses of lightly dressed girls, at least I knew that my interest in going out was not meeting with all these chicks. Instead of sharing the idea which nearly every male being has during such parties -to get something for the night-, I realized I just went there in order to get rid of Kat from my mind. And as far as I know from Lena, she kind of did the same to have some other thoughts instead those about her boyfriend Jonas.
As soon as I thought about something else, I really did have things in mind which I haven’t thought of for a while. That happened while dancing, but once I closed my eyes (and still moved my body during our show), I continuously thought about Kat. And the more I thought I had fun, the more I thought about her – which was contradictory to the idea of freeing my mind for that evening.
What did this teach me? Actually nothing but a lesson for me which I did not pass. I failed in being strong as everything overcame me last night. I realized I love her more than I can still imagine. But then, fortunately, I realized that already in the past before letting her go to the USA. But within this moment of self-realization, I knew that I can even less survive a relationship if I’m unable to simply call the beloved one. However, I did survive and it is monday. Kat returned already to San Francisco, and I received a mail from her in reply to mine. Finally, I know she’s safe again, and finally we can talk again this evening. But already now I miss being woken up by her call in my night…